interracial marriage misery
Ebony was 18 when she first met Gordon, 26, a fellow student at college. At first there was no romance between them, partially because of racial differences, but when Gordon needed something from Ebony her color was no barrier.
"He was an overseas student," explains Ebony, "and I just loved his British accent and his funny ways."
"My parents weren't too happy when I brought Gordon home to visit," says Ebony. "They were cordial towards him as they are towards all visitors, but they just didn't want me to get romantically involved with a white boy - especially one from another country. But they had nothing to worry about. Gordon had a white girlfriend and wasn't interested in me."
"Gordon and I were friends, just fellow students struggling to get through," explains Ebony, "and when Gordon failed his finals and went home I never expected to hear from him again."
"He started writing to me and invited me to visit him and his family when I went overseas," says Ebony, "but I was far too busy studying and making ends meet to be able to travel."
"Then he wrote saying he was coming back for a short study course and needed somewhere to stay," says Ebony, "and after a lot of persuasion from me my parents agreed he could stay with us for a while. Nothing happened, we were just good friends."
"Well, this writing and visiting went on for three years all told," explains Ebony, "and gradually I grew to like him a lot."
"When Gordon went back home the second time his letters started to get very romantic, and when he asked me to marry him I was so surprised!"
"By that time my parents liked Gordon a lot, too," explains Ebony. "They said he was a steady guy, and they really liked the way he was taking things slowly. Yet they still said it was a pity he was a white boy - they just didn't agree with interracial marriages."
"All was going well until we faced the red tape of immigration," sighs Ebony.
"Another two years of mucking around elapsed before Gordon and I could live together as man and wife."
"In that time I visited his folks and was prepared to live in his country, but he didn't want that. He said that because we were an interracial couple it would be easier for us in my country."
"Finally, we settled down in an apartment near where my parents lived," says Ebony, "and Gordon went back to school. He was determined to pass his finals and become a professional man."
"I worked to support him at university" says Ebony, "and I was proud to help him because he worked so hard and wanted only the very best sort of life for us."
"In the first year of our marriage I gave birth to Robin, a beautiful little boy," says Ebony, "and my mother took care of him while I continued to work and Gordon continued to study."
"Well," sighs Ebony, "I guess you know what's coming next."
"Gordon passed his finals and then he walked out on us. He sends me money for Robin, but doesn't want to know me or the kid any more."
"He has his citizenship and a practice certificate," says Ebony, "and now that he's got what he wants from me he has no further use for me."
"Yes, I know this sort of thing happens to women all the time," says Ebony, "but because we were an interracial marriage and have an interracial child I feel bitterly betrayed."
"I guess he chose me rather than a white girl because I'd be easier to fool," sighs Ebony, "and he was right. I was a fool."
"My parents have been very supportive and haven't once said 'I told you so' or anything like that," explains Ebony. "How can they? They were as taken in by Gordon as I was."
"They just accept what has happened and tell me to get on with my life."
"How can I get on with my life when I really don't know any life without Gordon in it?"
"I met him when I was 18 and now I'm 25," sighs Ebony.
"I look at Robin and see Gordon's face - with my color - and I cry and cry."
"Of course I love Robin - he's my child," says Ebony, "but I hate Gordon for what he has done to me and Robin."
"It would have been much easier for me to cope with the betrayal if I didn't have Robin to remind me of Gordon."
"I know it sounds like a terrible thing to say," adds Ebony, "and I'm not deliberately visiting the sins of the father on the child, but that's how things are."
"Robin is Gordon's child and whenever I look at him I am going to be reminded of his father."
"When Robin grows up he'll want to know who his father is," says Ebony, "and by then Gordon will probably welcome the boy back into his life with open arms."
"Imagine how I will feel then?"
"In effect, by lumbering me with his kid Gordon is still using me."
"I will spend another fourteen years raising Robin and then he will leave me to go live with his father."
"It will be like a second betrayal, but one that is going to be far more devastating than the first."
"OK, I'm counting my chickens and seeing a future that may not eventuate in the exact manner I feel it will," confesses Ebony, 'but I know in my gut that as long as I am tied to Gordon through Robin that my life is never going to be my own."
"I suppose the best possible future scenario for Robin is if his father accepts him," says Ebony, "but if Gordon refuses to acknowledge the boy when he grows up - on account of racism - then it is going to devastate the kid."
"If Gordon remarries and has white kids it might be very difficult for him - and his children - to acknowledge a black kid as being family," says Ebony. "And I really don't want all this stuff hitting me down the line."
"I gave birth to Robin in good faith that Gordon and I had a good marriage and that the kid would have a father," says Ebony.
"Gordon has not just betrayed me but also Robin and my parents and my friends and the whole community here who trusted him and welcomed him."
"Folks are looking at me with pity," sighs Ebony, "and I just may have to leave and start again somewhere new - but I'm not sure yet whether I should take Robin with me or leave him with my parents to raise."
"In my case racism is about skin color," confesses Ebony. "And it's not entirely a bad thing either. My parents were right to discriminate against Gordon on account of his skin color. They knew things about white boys that I just didn't understand at the time. Now I do."
"He was an overseas student," explains Ebony, "and I just loved his British accent and his funny ways."
"My parents weren't too happy when I brought Gordon home to visit," says Ebony. "They were cordial towards him as they are towards all visitors, but they just didn't want me to get romantically involved with a white boy - especially one from another country. But they had nothing to worry about. Gordon had a white girlfriend and wasn't interested in me."
"Gordon and I were friends, just fellow students struggling to get through," explains Ebony, "and when Gordon failed his finals and went home I never expected to hear from him again."
"He started writing to me and invited me to visit him and his family when I went overseas," says Ebony, "but I was far too busy studying and making ends meet to be able to travel."
"Then he wrote saying he was coming back for a short study course and needed somewhere to stay," says Ebony, "and after a lot of persuasion from me my parents agreed he could stay with us for a while. Nothing happened, we were just good friends."
"Well, this writing and visiting went on for three years all told," explains Ebony, "and gradually I grew to like him a lot."
"When Gordon went back home the second time his letters started to get very romantic, and when he asked me to marry him I was so surprised!"
"By that time my parents liked Gordon a lot, too," explains Ebony. "They said he was a steady guy, and they really liked the way he was taking things slowly. Yet they still said it was a pity he was a white boy - they just didn't agree with interracial marriages."
"All was going well until we faced the red tape of immigration," sighs Ebony.
"Another two years of mucking around elapsed before Gordon and I could live together as man and wife."
"In that time I visited his folks and was prepared to live in his country, but he didn't want that. He said that because we were an interracial couple it would be easier for us in my country."
"Finally, we settled down in an apartment near where my parents lived," says Ebony, "and Gordon went back to school. He was determined to pass his finals and become a professional man."
"I worked to support him at university" says Ebony, "and I was proud to help him because he worked so hard and wanted only the very best sort of life for us."
"In the first year of our marriage I gave birth to Robin, a beautiful little boy," says Ebony, "and my mother took care of him while I continued to work and Gordon continued to study."
"Well," sighs Ebony, "I guess you know what's coming next."
"Gordon passed his finals and then he walked out on us. He sends me money for Robin, but doesn't want to know me or the kid any more."
"He has his citizenship and a practice certificate," says Ebony, "and now that he's got what he wants from me he has no further use for me."
"Yes, I know this sort of thing happens to women all the time," says Ebony, "but because we were an interracial marriage and have an interracial child I feel bitterly betrayed."
"I guess he chose me rather than a white girl because I'd be easier to fool," sighs Ebony, "and he was right. I was a fool."
"My parents have been very supportive and haven't once said 'I told you so' or anything like that," explains Ebony. "How can they? They were as taken in by Gordon as I was."
"They just accept what has happened and tell me to get on with my life."
"How can I get on with my life when I really don't know any life without Gordon in it?"
"I met him when I was 18 and now I'm 25," sighs Ebony.
"I look at Robin and see Gordon's face - with my color - and I cry and cry."
"Of course I love Robin - he's my child," says Ebony, "but I hate Gordon for what he has done to me and Robin."
"It would have been much easier for me to cope with the betrayal if I didn't have Robin to remind me of Gordon."
"I know it sounds like a terrible thing to say," adds Ebony, "and I'm not deliberately visiting the sins of the father on the child, but that's how things are."
"Robin is Gordon's child and whenever I look at him I am going to be reminded of his father."
"When Robin grows up he'll want to know who his father is," says Ebony, "and by then Gordon will probably welcome the boy back into his life with open arms."
"Imagine how I will feel then?"
"In effect, by lumbering me with his kid Gordon is still using me."
"I will spend another fourteen years raising Robin and then he will leave me to go live with his father."
"It will be like a second betrayal, but one that is going to be far more devastating than the first."
"OK, I'm counting my chickens and seeing a future that may not eventuate in the exact manner I feel it will," confesses Ebony, 'but I know in my gut that as long as I am tied to Gordon through Robin that my life is never going to be my own."
"I suppose the best possible future scenario for Robin is if his father accepts him," says Ebony, "but if Gordon refuses to acknowledge the boy when he grows up - on account of racism - then it is going to devastate the kid."
"If Gordon remarries and has white kids it might be very difficult for him - and his children - to acknowledge a black kid as being family," says Ebony. "And I really don't want all this stuff hitting me down the line."
"I gave birth to Robin in good faith that Gordon and I had a good marriage and that the kid would have a father," says Ebony.
"Gordon has not just betrayed me but also Robin and my parents and my friends and the whole community here who trusted him and welcomed him."
"Folks are looking at me with pity," sighs Ebony, "and I just may have to leave and start again somewhere new - but I'm not sure yet whether I should take Robin with me or leave him with my parents to raise."
"In my case racism is about skin color," confesses Ebony. "And it's not entirely a bad thing either. My parents were right to discriminate against Gordon on account of his skin color. They knew things about white boys that I just didn't understand at the time. Now I do."
Labels: immigration, interracial marriage, scam, white boy
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